I
always like to say, “If you don’t ask, the answer is already no.” However, our
current Internet climate makes it easier than ever for people to click the keys
with a quick ‘ask’ without observing any of the polite rules of communication.
I work
as a professional storyteller but I also love to research stories and share
them on my blog. I am happy to help when a colleague asks for assistance and I
receive requests on a regular basis. However, there is an art to asking for help
and below I share two distinctly different approaches.
A few
months ago I received an instant message from a colleague, which offered no
salutation, they didn't even address me by my name. This is not someone I communicate with
on a consistent basis, nor have I seen them for over a decade, so the abrupt
‘ask’ felt more like a demand. It took me less than a minute to Google the
requested information, with a number of sites appearing on the first Google page.
This immediately told me they didn’t conduct any research at all before
asking me to do their work. I considered carefully if I would even respond but
in the end I did.
Juxtapose that with another message I received last week from a colleague I have never met but know through our Facebook connection. Storyteller Janet Glantz sent me the following email, which I share here with her permission.
“Hi Karen,
First of all kudos for everything that you do to promote
storytelling in all its forms. I have volunteered to do some Preschool
story times for our local library. My first one is close to St. Patrick's
Day. I looked on your site, but couldn't find the activities, songs,
rhymes etc. for St. Patrick's Day. Do you have any suggestions? I will be
going to Sharing the Fire and am looking forward to meeting you face-to-face.
Kindest Regards,
Janet Glantz”
Janet Glantz”
What did
I love about this virtual interaction?
- She begins with an immediate ‘thanks’ before her request.
- She tried to find the information herself before contacting me.
- She ends with mentioning an opportunity when we can personally meet outside of the virtual world.
I bet
you can guess how eager I was to help her. I knew exactly where the information
was on my blog and sent it to her immediately. I look forward to meeting her at
the end of this month.
The myriad of instant communication tools we have at our fingertips can be a blessing but because facial expression, vocal intonation, and body language are missing your request for help can easily be misunderstood as a demand. The next time you reach out to a colleague make sure you take a moment to interact with them as if you were face-to-face, not separated by a computer screen. Trust me, those few extra words will be noticed and appreciated across the virtual divide and you are likely to receive the reply, “I’m happy to help” in return.
Karen
Chace 2019 ©
This blog post was researched and compiled by Karen
Chace. Permission for private use is granted. Distribution, either
electronically or on paper is prohibited without my expressed written
permission. For permission please contact me at storybug@aol.com. Of course, if you
wish to link to my blog via your website, blog, newsletter, Facebook page or
Twitter please feel free to do so; I greatly appreciate your support and
personal integrity.
6 comments:
Karen,
Thanks for this post. A great teaching and reminder for all of us. Doing the research helps me to step into the story and from there I can invite the listeners in as well. I was told that it was the difference between telling stories and becoming a Storyteller. It was years before I called myself a Storyteller. I am ever the student and again thanks for the lesson. ~ Hears Crow
Great advice! Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Much needed in this virtual world!
Oh, this really nails a common scenario in this day and age! I'm sure I'm not alone in having many, many examples of the sort of exchange you mention. I would add to this...once a person you've asked for help on some matter shares that information, a simple follow-up "thanks" is nice. That way, I know you've received my efforts. Thanks for this blog entry.
Perfectly said and a great reminder to slow down a bit for a bit of thanks in this rush rush tech world. Abby
Karen, have followed and learned from you for almost forever. Thank you for addressing this need and sharing a better way. I tell my own midwestern and family stories so do not ask for stories for a purpose or holiday or audience but over the years have learned where I can work to the benefit of those asking and to my own benefit. If asked for something not suited to my stories, I try to be thoughtful in explaining my possibilities and in suggesting those whom I know to be able to meet their specific request well.
Patricia Coffie
Thank you for this. We often forget that it is possible to be both polite and professional online. I hope someone starts teaching online etiquette.
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